Cars and Boots and Thimbles
by Trumpeteer34
Summary: Avengers Game Night gone wrong: Monopoly style.


In "Sprout," Thor mentions a game night that went terribly wrong. This is that story.

You do not have to have read "Sprout" to know what's going on here.

I do not own any of the characters that appear in this story. They belong to Marvel. Monopoly belongs to Parker Brothers and Hasbro. This was written entirely for fun.

* * *

"You're kidding, right?"

Bruce paused in the middle of pouring hot water into his mug to glance over toward the table. It was still a few minutes before seven, so half the team was still missing. Beyond the kitchen island, Tony was staring at the box in Steve's hand with a look of skepticism and disgust on his face. Bruce couldn't see the cover of the box from where he was standing.

As Steve huffed a small sigh, Tony went on. "Because if you intend on us actually _bonding_ during these _team-building_ nights, you would never choose this game."

"It promotes bonding perfectly fine," Steve replied as he set the game down upon the table. "Buck and I used to play it with some of his friends when we were kids. I'm honestly surprised it survived this long."

"You know, they say the same thing about roaches," Tony muttered under his breath, but the words still carried enough to warrant a glare from Steve.

Bruce rolled his eyes and returned his attention to preparing his tea. "What game are we talking about, now?" he asked before the two could dissolve into an argument.

"_Monopoly_," answered a voice that belonged to neither Steve nor Tony.

The three men in the room jumped with varying levels of surprise and their eyes shot to Natasha, who was strolling up to the table. From the look on her face, she wasn't thrilled with the game choice either.

The refrigerator door opened, and Bruce turned to see Clint pulling out two cans of soda. "Seriously?" the archer asked, tossing one of the cans to Natasha, who caught it without looking away from the board game. "I've never played it, but this was the game that sparked feuds between people growing up."

Steve turned to glance at Clint. "It really is a fun game," he insisted.

"Time will tell," Natasha remarked just as Thor appeared in the doorway.

The demigod paused when he saw the five of them already in the kitchen. "My apologies; I did not realize I was tardy."

"You're not late, Thor," the captain said with a smile of greeting. "We're just getting started."

A minute later, they each had something to drink and finally sat down at the table. In a previously agreed upon decision, Natasha and Bruce ensured that Tony and Steve weren't seated either next to or across from each other, lest the team-bonding exercise turn into another spat between the two of them. They were getting better, but their arguments got rather old rather quickly.

Tony sat at one end of the table, and Thor was seated at the other. Clint and Bruce were seated on either side of Tony, with Natasha next to Clint and Thor, and Steve next to Bruce and Thor.

They all ignored the mutters from Tony as Steve opened the box to start setting up the game. "So," the super soldier began purposely over Tony's voice, "who hasn't played this before?"

Natasha, Clint, and Thor raised their hands. Bruce shrugged. "I played it once with my cousin when we were kids, so it's been a while," the physicist offered.

"Basically," Steve began, "you want to become the wealthiest player by buying, selling, and renting the properties you see on the board." He reached into the box and pulled out a small baggie of tiny silver figurines. "We each need to choose a piece to represent us—"

"I call the car," Tony cut in.

Once Steve opened the bag and lined up the eight pieces to choose from, Natasha glanced over at the engineer. "I'm surprised you don't want the iron," she commented blandly.

Clint and Thor smirked as Tony rolled his eyes. "I'm surprised _you_ don't want the iron," the engineer said, "considering it's probably the only thing you can use as a weapon on here."

"I think you doubt my abilities," Natasha replied, completely deadpan. She turned her gaze away from Tony to look at the pieces. "I'll take the hat—which, by the way, can be just as deadly as an iron, in my hands."

"It's true," Clint added on with an air of graveness.

After a momentary pause of disturbed silence, Steve looked over at Bruce. "Dr. Banner, which piece would you like?"

It was a clear change in the discussion, but Bruce held off in answering as he reached over to slide Tony the miniature car and Natasha the tiny top hat. "It really makes no difference to me," the physicist replied. Knowing that that answer would never suffice, he glanced over at the six pieces to choose from. "I guess I'll take the dog."

As Steve slid the piece to the physicist, he looked thoughtful. "I never would have thought you'd like dogs. You seem more like a cat kind of person."

"Nah," Bruce said with an easy shrug, "I'm actually rather fond of dogs. I used to have one, down in Brazil."

Next to Bruce, Tony groaned. "Are we going to seriously have to have an in-depth analysis on the pieces we chose?" he asked. "Nat killed a guy with a hat, and I've got a collection of vintage cars back in Malibu. Next thing we know, you're going to go off on a psychological analysis on why Thor chose to play as the boot."

"Then the joke would be on you, since I wanted to play as the boot," Steve rejoined. The soldier gazed over at the demigod on his other side. "You don't mind, right? I always played as the boot when Bucky and I played."

Thor smiled good-naturedly. "Nay," he answered. "I am rather partial to the wheelbarrow, myself."

Five pairs of eyes turned to their resident archer as he looked over the remaining three pieces. After a moment, he looked over at Steve. "Can I just use one of my arrowheads?" he asked. "I'm not really feeling any of these."

Before Steve could answer, Tony grinned. "If Bird Feathers gets to make up his own piece, can I? Cause I have something down in the labs that would really be—"

Clint reached over and scooped up the tiny thimble. "_Fine_, I'll just choose something here. We would _all_ like to avoid whatever it is you have in the lab."

As Tony gestured rudely at the archer, Steve returned the two unused pieces to the baggie and placed them back in the box. "Okay," he cut in before Clint could return the gesture with something worse, "now we need someone to be the banker."

No one spoke up with the desire for the position. After another moment, Thor's voice broke the hush. "I nominate the good doctor."

"Me?" Bruce asked in confusion, even as Tony said "Really? But I'm great with money."

Clint smirked over at the engineer. "Didn't you just buy a new piece of lab equipment that you didn't even need for, like, ten grand last week?"

"Doesn't mean I won't use it," Tony shot back. He grinned over at the doctor next to him. "I bet you and I could have some fun with it, Big Guy."

Steve breathed a soft sigh. "Well, at least if Dr. Banner is down there with you, we can expect a few less explosions."

"And it is for that reason," Thor spoke up, returning the group to the topic at hand, "that I believe Doctor Banner would make a fine money-holder."

Natasha hummed her agreement. "Dr. Banner _is_ probably the most responsible of all of us," she commented.

"Is that including Spangles?" Tony asked, smirking at the captain.

Natasha leveled her eyes with Steve. "He has a tendency to jump off and out of things without a parachute."

Steve looked a little chagrined, but he bit back a tiny smile and didn't bother protesting. He instead looked at Bruce. "Would you like to be our banker? You kind of are the most responsible of us."

"I have a bit more riding on my being responsible than you all do," Bruce pointed out without ire. He shrugged. "Alright, I'll be the banker."

Bruce pulled his reading glasses from his pocket as Steve slid one of the box halves toward him. Inside was a small plastic object that resembled a register drawer with the fake Monopoly money.

After a quick perusal of the instructions, each player was given the initial $1500. Their pieces were moved to the "GO" space, and they each rolled the dice to see who would go first. Natasha won with a 12, and the game was soon underway.

There were snide comments here and there, along with people complaining about outrageous rent prices, but as far as Bruce could tell, the game was going smoothly.

That was, until Clint drew a Chance card.

"Go to _jail?!"_ he read in disbelief. "I don't even get a trial?!"

Natasha glanced at him, and though her lips weren't curved upward, her smile was evident in her eyes. "I like that you didn't say anything about your innocence," she said.

"No, no," Clint replied, a grin growing on his face, "I probably did what I'm being sent to jail for, but that doesn't mean a lawyer couldn't get me out of it."

"It's not prison," Steve pointed out while the archer slid his thimble into the jail.

Clint eyed the space critically for a moment. "Can I get out of jail on my own, cause I know I can _totally_ escape from this."

"Uh…" Bruce began slowly, "I'm pretty sure that's against the rules."

"No, it's not," Clint demurred smoothly.

"Unless they've changed the rules since I last played it in the 30s," Steve said, reaching for the instructions that were sitting next to Bruce, "I'm pretty sure it's against the rules."

While the super soldier began to peruse the instructions on how to legally get out of jail, Thor glanced over at the archer. "Would escaping from your prison not make you a fugitive, friend Hawk?" he asked.

Clint rolled his eyes. "I didn't _kill_ anyone. I probably just didn't pay my taxes or something. Tax evasion is _hardly_ a felony."

"Except it _is,"_ Tony replied with a laugh. "Tax evasion is absolutely a felony."

"And even if it wasn't," Bruce began, "it wouldn't make the bank feel any better with someone who doesn't pay their taxes to have some of their money."

"Here Clint," Steve said, reaching across the table to show the archer the instructions. "This is how you can get out of jail."

Despite some grumbling from their resident archer about absurd ways of getting out of his imprisonment, the game went on.

But the further the game proceeded, the more hostile it became. More than once, Bruce had to intercede into arguments between Steve and Tony about selling property at more than it was worth. The bickering quickly dissolved into the _not funny_ kind of bickering, and Natasha and Bruce broke it up.

But then Bruce had to break up arguments between Natasha and Clint about the building of apartments, and then Tony wanted to own an apartment with Bruce—which everyone argued against, considering Bruce was the banker—until it just got to be too much.

Just as the fight between Natasha and Tony was about to come to a head—with bodily harm as a possible outcome—Bruce had had enough.

The argument came to a violent halt when Bruce slammed his hands down on the table. The silence that soon followed was almost smothering as everyone turned their wide-eyed stares toward their resident physicist, who happened to have a bit of an anger management issue. The tension between them suddenly went from hostile to wary in the blink of an eye.

Bruce glared at each of them in turn as he spoke in a quiet, low, and almost _growling_ voice. "Since it is _plainly_ obvious that _none_ of you are capable of handling yourselves, let alone multiple properties, the bank has elected to void your loans as null. All of your properties must be returned to the bank, along with the $1500 the bank so _mistakenly _loaned you at the beginning of the game. It's a tie." He pushed his chair away from the table and got to his feet. "Good night."

No one said a word as they watched Bruce walk off, rubbing at his temples, to go calm himself down.

It was only after the elevator door was shut behind him that Tony turned a narrow-eyed look at the team captain. "I warned you," he said.

Steve turned an icy glare over at the engineer, but didn't rise to the bait. Instead, he glanced around the table at large. "Who thinks we should hide this game so this never happens again?"

Five hands shot into the air, and _Monopoly_ was hidden in the back of the games closet, hopefully to never see the light of day again.


End file.
